This Girl

Dear beautiful, free thinking, independent yet dependent Bean,

You can be so smart, funny and fun to be around but sometimes the teenager in you comes out and it scares the hell out of me. I feel like I can barely remember the last nine years and I don't want to lose any more time. I guess that's the question I have: Do you "lose" time that has past when memories fade? Or is it something you've gained like a stripe on your uniform of life? Or is it that gray hair that sticks straight up in the middle of your part? I desperately want to hold on to time...make it slow to a pace my brain can keep up with.

It's funny Miss Bean - you regress to younger behavior at times, throwing your tantrums, crying and screaming and yet at others you're spitting out hateful, yet teenager-like phrases. Your favorite thing to say is:
"You hate me and everyone can tell. It's SO obvious."

I'm in awe of you and yet so confused by you. I love all the blogs and businesses you've created. The ideas amaze me and your commitment to your Pet Helping Program filled me with pride. Yesterday, you came up with a business card for your NewsFlash website on the computer and I was floored by how smart and innovative it was.







I've learned a few things from you this summer:

1. I need to work harder on pushing you out of the nest so you can build on your comfort level with separating and becoming independent from me.
   
   
2. You cannot be bribed! (Yes, I have stooped to trying bribes.) It usually backfires.
   
   
3. You are such an independent thinker. While some girls your age are concerned about Manolo Blahniks and Coach purses (I'm not kidding), you are concerning yourself with writing songs, conjuring up skits, having tea parties with the dogs and finding a miniature wheelchair for Pinkie the injured pink puppy.

I hope you never lose that exquisite part of you.

I look at this picture of you and after I throw up, hyperventilate and pour some Visine into my eyes, I hope with every neuron in my brain, that I can be the right mother for you.
Love,
Mama